Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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