I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
