I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
there's paper in my vomit.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
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