So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
