I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize
