I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
