There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
