Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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