Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Randomize
