I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
