honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
