you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
