I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
