just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
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