The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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