so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
