so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Randomize
