Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
