Even the bartender felt bad for me
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
