Need sex. Gaining weight.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
