I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
