Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
