I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
