Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
