I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
