for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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