I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I still have a little drunk in my system
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
