hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
