i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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