she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
