We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
She just used a chaser for red wine.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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