Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
