i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
