Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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