So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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