I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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