He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
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