found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Too much gin, very little bucket
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
