We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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