Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
They took my balls.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
