I need to stop coming to work sober
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
