So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Randomize
