I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
