yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
