before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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