i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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