is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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