I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
