No awkward lesbian experiences without me
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Randomize
