I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
