im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
