I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
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