what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
