For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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